I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize