For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
