After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize