if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
