he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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