I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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