I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
