Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize