Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I didn't notice because vodka
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
