it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you had me at cake vodka
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
