So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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