This dress was meant to end up on your floor
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
