you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
