i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
