Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
