So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
