he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
