A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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