i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
