drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize