I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
A bitchslap is in order.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
