On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
