You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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