you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
