seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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