So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
