No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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