I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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