Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
