just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
