I just saw a hot homeless man
wat bout pragnant strippers??
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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