i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
