capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
