Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
