Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
