talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
