I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
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