Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
no, he came in my armpit
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
