do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
