I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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