I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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