You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
He kissed a someone with a penis
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
