Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
