Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
