GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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