Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
