What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
