I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
