she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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