She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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