Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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