I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
