She announced her abortion via fbk
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
