I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
