I'm going to jail i love you
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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