i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
