1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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