dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
