she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
