I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize