i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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