Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
