I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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